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Modern Classics Without The Modernism

mallelis:

“Don’t feel bad,” his father said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Things fall apart sometimes. We’ll just buy a new one.” They did, and then everything was fine.

- “Things Fall Apart,” Chinua Achebe

“Oh, I didn’t think trees grew here,” he said.

“Yes,” she said, “quite a lot of them actually. Look, there’s several just down the street.” And so there were.

“Huh,” he said, “I guess trees really do grow in Brooklyn.”

“It would be odd if they didn’t,” she said.

- “A Tree Grows In Brooklyn,” Betty Smith

“What a lovely house this is,” Lady Kate said. “And what a pleasant atmosphere.”

“Yes, we always have a lovely time in this house,” the hostess agreed. “That’s why we call it the House of Mirth.”

Everyone laughed, because they were having such a very good time.

- “The House of Mirth,” Edith Wharton

“And the rocking horse goes to the little boy sitting determinedly in the corner,” cried the auctioneer.

At last, it was his. He was the Rocking Horse Winner. Also, he had a problem with masturbating.

- “The Rocking Horse Winner,” D.H. Lawrence

[via The Toast]

flyartproductions:

Marat State of Mind

The Death of Marat, Jacques-Louis David (1793) / N.Y. State of Mind, NaS

22:07     +1314    VIA
How to Survive a trip to IKEA

catholicaramis:

kedreeva:

  • Never go alone- bring a partner. Travel in pairs
  • Before entering, ensure that someone not entering knows you are going in, and when you expect to be out
  • Before entering, determine the cause of your mission- your mission objective. Bookcase? Couch? Oven? Meatballs? Figure it out
  • Upon entering, locate The Path
  • Do not disengage from The Path until you have reached your mission destination. Many have been lost forever to the wilds of IKEA by not obeying this. Very few are ever located again by the sparse store employees.
  • Upon reaching your mission destination, you may disengage from The Path ONLY when accompanied by your partner (physical contact should be maintained- ie, holding hands, holding shirt sleeve, both holding an end of a rope, etc)
  • When you disengage from The Path to acquire the data for your mission objective (ie, the item number for the bookcase, couch, meatballs, etc), it becomes your partner’s responsibility to maintain visual contact with The Path. Much like weeping angel statues, The Path will move if not actively being watched. This will strand you and your partner in the wilds of IKEA, so ensure you choose a partner wisely.
  • Upon acquiring the mission objective data (ie the item number), navigate back to The Path. You may disengage physical contact with your partner once you have safely returned to The Path
  • Do not leave The Path again. It will naturally end at the warehouse/stock section. This is a long, huge hall with many branches.
  • At the entrance of the warehouse section, acquire a cart if necessary. Using your item coordinates, locate your mission objective. Do not leave the main hallway except for the branch where your item is located. Like The Path, the wilds of IKEA sometimes sneak up on travelers that wander the warehouse section
  • Once your item has been loaded, head to the check out section. Do not touch anything in the boxes along the way. They appear to be full of candles or stuffed animals or useful kitchenware; it is a ruse. They are carnivorous.
  • After checking out, exit to the loading area. Load your item, and leave.
  • Do not look in your rearview mirror as you leave. It shouldn’t pursue you if you don’t look back.

gmtandone

10:07     +6459    VIA & SOURCE

5centsapound:

Happy Birthday Frida Khalo

09:07     +14106    VIA & SOURCE

mallelis:

image

Belial: this place sucks
Satan: a of all
no it doesn’t
YOU suck
and b of all
this place rules
and we can be whatever we want here
we don’t just have to be angels
we can literally all be kings here
Belial: yeah okay
Satan: i mean
you can’t
i’m the king
so the king is already…

mallelis:

is this ok
yeah its fine
the kissing i mean
yeah youre good
you just don’t seem
you’re not smiling
or kissing me back or anything
ill smile later

normal conversations in western art history

  • Male Writer: Ah, anniversary jokes are so funny. Because chicks always hate it when you don't remember anniversaries! A plus gold very original
  • Male Writer: Mother in laws amirite?
  • Male Writer: My male character who is an author insert of myself pines after a woman I used to pine after in high school. Then they have sex. This is good literature.
  • Male Writer: Ugh female books are so romance filled
  • Male Writer: And girl fanfics, so mary suey
  • Male Writer: Now listen about this original middle aged man who is an expert in everything, suffers from ennui, looks like me, acts like me, and gets all the girls i want.
  • Male Writer: She was sexy in an alluring, boring way, filled with purple prose and riddled with objectification
  • Male Writer: If i make a female character parrot my misogynistic views, they cease to be misogynistic! Are you saying you don't respect my fake female characters opinions, feminists?
  • Male Writer: a good action girl is one who looks hot at all times
  • Male Writer: If the female main character got in an asskicking line, my work is Feminist with a capital F and no one can criticize me
  • Specifically White Male Writer: Heroic tropes are so overdone. I'm going to create a boring white guy with stubble to be a completely original antihero no one has ever seen before TM.
  • Same Guy: It's original because he is a jerk who gets away with bad behavior, just like I wish i could.
  • Another Specifically White Male Writer: It's in my universe to only have white men do things in my book. I mean, don't you care about historical accuracy
  • Same Guy: I mean, it's a generic fantasy verse with no real life time period equivalent and i haven't done any research, but i'm SURE that it's historically accurate. To that dark mideval dragon fighting europe period
  • Same Guy: Where in Europe? Who cares!
  • Male Writer: There is no better way to introduce a female character to a male character than by him saving her.
  • Male Writer: Characters hating each other is good sexual tension!
  • Male Writer: One female character and five male characters is a good team balance
  • Male Writer: If my female character chooses to act in a sexist tropey way, it's not sexist. In fact, because she CHOSE to do it, it is Feminist.
  • Male Writer: I am original
I detest the masculine point of view. I am bored by his heroism, virtue, and honour. I think the best these men can do is not talk about themselves anymore.
—Virginia Woolf, The Pargiters: The Novel-Essay Portion of THE YEARS  (via jaimelannister)

discardingimages:

false prophets 
(Revelation 16:13)

'Queen Mary Apocalypse', London 14th century.

British Library, Royal MS 19 B XV, fol. 30v

07:07     +1527    VIA

discardingimages:

stag in a rabbit hole

Gorleston Psalter, England 14th century.

British Library, Add 49622, fol. 177v

05:07     +126    VIA

wetheurban:

SPOTLIGHT: Layered, Painted Photographs by Gerhard Richter

Today we take a look at famed German abstractionist, Gerhard Richter, stunning contemporary works.

Read More

05:07     +2141    VIA
DS